


Kiss My Ass

by abusing_sarcasm (Camden)



Series: Kiss My Ass 'Verse [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-14
Updated: 2012-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-29 11:53:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camden/pseuds/abusing_sarcasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Of all the bars in all the world or whatever..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss My Ass

**Author's Note:**

> Contains: Graphic semi-public sex, very strong language. Very strong. Underage drinking, rimming, dirty talk, size!kink, and a bit of bear!kink. Kurt very much topping from the bottom. In a nutshell, just filthy filthy filth.  
> Also, the Eagle and all its surroundings are very real, though I've never had sex in the bathroom.

**Kiss My Ass**

Dave hears him before he sees him. It's been three years, but he still recognizes the voice. High-pitched and haughty, every syllable precise.

"I told you we should have gone to Gigi's," he says, and Dave turns away from the bar to make sure his ears aren't playing tricks on him.

"Fuck a drag bar. You know this is more my scene." The speaker trails a finger down the arm of a big guy in a Harley jacket, smirking up at him through obviously fake eyelashes. The guy smiles indulgently, but he turns away, clearly dismissing the boy as too young for him.

Hummel – because it definitely is Hummel – pulls at his companion's arm. "Stop being such a slut. It's just hot in here is all."

Dave stares at him, trying to process what he's seeing. Kurt Hummel on his home turf. Not just in the state and not just in the city, but in the Eagle. He's only had two beers, thank god, or he'd think he was hallucinating.

Hummel's friend is dressed like every other cheap twink in the D, but Kurt's wearing tight black pants and some kind of weird wrap-around sweater thing, topped with a silk scarf. He looks like half the hipster girls Dave goes to college with, and he should look completely out of place in a _leather bar_ , for fuck's sake, but for some reason, he's working it. Dave has to laugh. Fucking Hummel. He's always known how to wear clothes.

He wants to say something – because what are the odds, really? – but he's not sure how Kurt will react. They haven't seen each other since graduation, and even that was at a distance. And when they'd made eye contact, Kurt had turned up his nose like Dave was dog shit. So that points to Kurt reacting badly.

He's just about to try to leave without attracting attention when Kurt's friend practically bowls him over. "Well, _hello_ ," he says, planting a hand firmly on Dave's chest.

Dave really wishes then that he'd worn something less _obvious_ than a leather vest without a shirt, but he'd come here to get laid and had dressed accordingly. "Hey," Dave says, taking a step back.

"Oh, _hell_ no," Kurt says then, and Dave tries to manage a smile.

"Of all the bars in all the world or whatever," Dave says, extricating himself from the clingy twink. "This your boyfriend, Fancy?"

"Most certainly not," Kurt says with a sniff. "This is my friend Levi, and we were obviously just leaving, if we've walked into _your_ bar."

"Kurtsie, you know the owner?" Levi asks, sounding impressed.

"He doesn't _own_ the bar. We were interpolating a movie quote, which you'd know if you ever watched anything but porn. And we're _leaving_ ," Kurt says, sinking his fingers into Levi's lime green mesh shirt and pulling.

Levi, who appears to be on something – or somethings – stumbles a little, reattaching himself to Dave. "Is this your ex? Cuz if he is, I'm so going to have to break that rule about fucking friends' exes. Why do you always know the best bears?"

Hummel looks like he wants to drop through the floor and Dave pushes Levi away a bit more firmly. "You don't have to go. I'd like to talk to you, if that's okay," Dave says, sidestepping another advance from Levi. "Wait, hang on."

Dave turns around and looks for Chuck, an acquaintance he'd been chatting with earlier. When he spots him, he waves him over. Chuck saunters to them, adjusting the leather straps across his hairy barrel chest. "Chuck, meet Levi. Levi, Chuck."

"Ohmigod, I love your beard," Levi squeals, transferring his clinging.

Dave turns around to see that Hummel is striding towards the door. Dave curses and hustles after him. They're almost to the door when Dave grabs back of Kurt's sweater. "Dude, wait a fuckin' second. Please?"

"Unhand me or I'll call the bouncer," Kurt says, managing to look down his nose at Dave despite being a good six inches shorter.

Dave almost laughs, because, really? Who talks like that? But he's trying to do the right thing here. "Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. About everything. Okay?"

"Okay? No, it's not okay! Fuck you, Karofsky! You're a miserable excuse for a human being! I've hated you for _years_ , and there's nothing you can say that could make me stop hating you! You're sorry? Fuck you, you're sorry! Kiss my ass!"

Dave has spent the last several years blaming the incident in the locker room on many, many things. If someone had asked him every day for the last three years what made him snap, he would have had a different answer each time. But apparently what did it is Kurt Hummel putting on his bitch pants and screeching at him like an imperious princess, because it happens again.

Before he can stop himself, he's got Hummel up against the wall. This time, though, Kurt doesn't push him away. Instead, he hooks a leg around Dave's thigh and locks his arms around Dave's neck, and he lets Dave kiss him. Fuck, he _encourages_ it. His mouth is open and Dave gets lost in it, sliding their tongues together in one of the most obscene, filthy, spitty, fucking _perfect_ kisses of his entire life.

And it's happening in the middle of a leather bar, right next to a calendar depicting a naked dude with a hard-on straddling a hay bale. It's weird as shit.

When he leans back to breathe, he can't help saying, "What the fuck _is_ this?"

"You're sorry?" Hummel asks, lifting his other leg so he's clinging to Dave like he's a tree trunk. "Prove it."

He's such a fucking cunt, and Dave wants to tell him so, but he's too distracted by the way Kurt's rubbing off on his crotch, rocking against him like the most beautiful whore. Dave smirks. He _is_ sorry, and he's more than happy to prove it. If Hummel wants his ass kissed, he can make it so.

He pushes away from the wall, hooking his arms under Kurt's legs so he won't fall. Kurt lets himself be carried as Dave steers them to the bathroom. "No fucking in the bathroom," the coat check guy says in a bored voice. It's the same thing he says every time anyone goes into the bathroom when they're not alone.

Dave tunes him out just like everyone else does. Luckily there's an empty stall. He pushes through the door and locks it behind him, dropping Hummel to the floor. The sounds of grunts and moans echo off the tiles and Kurt lifts an eyebrow. "Charming."

"Shut the fuck up," Dave says pleasantly, turning Kurt around and pushing him against the side of the stall. There are untold amounts of filth on the floor, but Dave doesn't give a shit as he sinks to the floor. He presses his face against Kurt's ass and Kurt makes a little whimper, slapping his palms against the metal partition. "I'm sorry," he says again, letting the words sink into the soft fabric and the undoubtedly even softer flesh underneath.

"Kiss my ass, hamhock," Hummel says, prissy even when he's about to get fucked right through a bathroom wall.

Dave doesn't need to be told again. He's not some meathead jock, despite what Kurt seems to think. He reaches around and fumbles Kurt's pants open, mouthing the fabric as he does so, breathing against it, making it hot and moist.

The moment he's got the pants undone, he tugs them right to Kurt's ankles. He wants to take a moment to appreciate his ass, because it's fucking _amazing_ , but he's a man of action, first and foremost. He doesn't bother with any niceties. He spreads Hummel's ass open with both hands and gives him a smacking kiss right on his asshole. Kurt has the audacity to laugh at that, so Dave presses in again, this time with the flat of his tongue, scraping it over the sensitive flesh over and over until Kurt whimpers.

A litany of absolute filth pours from Kurt's mouth the whole time and if Dave weren't so busy rimming the living hell out of him, he'd be impressed. "Yeah that's right, lick my fucking asshole, that's what you deserve. You owe me, Karofsky. Make it up to me. Show me how fucking sorry you are, you piece of shit. Get your fucking tongue up me right now. Eat me out, you fucking loser. You like that, don't you, you twisted fuck? Deeper. You like the taste, don't you?"

Dave's cock is leaking in his jeans and he knows he's going to have the mother of all wet spots, but he doesn't give a shit. He _does_ like it. He's fantasized about this more times than he can count, and Kurt more than lives up to his imaginings. It's not like Dave went to college and immediately turned into a ho, but he's eaten ass before. Though he's never enjoyed it like this.

There's spit all over his face and all over Kurt's ass, running down his thighs. Dave leans back to catch his breath and Kurt whimpers prettily. "Don't stop you cocksucker! Jesus."

Dave wants to laugh, but instead he pushes two fingers against Kurt's loosened hole and twists them in. Let the toppy little bitch ride on that.

As he'd hoped, it shuts Kurt up nicely. He gets to his feet, still working his fingers, and twists Kurt's head back until he can kiss him again. Kurt sucks his tongue hard enough to hurt a little, and Dave isn't at all surprised that Hummel's got enough of an ego to want to taste his own ass.

Not that there's much taste anyway. He's clean as fuck, and Dave wonders if he's into enemas or if he's just such an ice queen that he's immune to bodily functions. "Let me fuck you," he says.

Kurt snorts, still riding Dave's fingers. "I highly doubt you're enough man for me."

Dave wants to laugh because there are a lot of things Hummel could mock him for, but his cock size isn't one of them. "That won't be a problem, Fancy. The problem is whether you can take me."

He pulls his fingers out of Kurt's ass and opens his pants. Kurt's eyes go comically large. "If I'd known about _this_ , I would have reacted differently to your bumbling attempts to get in my pants in high school," he says, touching Dave's cock with reverent fingertips.

"I should have pegged you for a size queen, Hummel. Let's see if your eyes are bigger than your asshole."

"Please. I could take this with no lube," he says haughtily, even as he's pulling a packet of slick from somewhere in his voluminous sweater. Dave doesn't point out the hypocrisy, though, because he's finally getting to fuck Kurt Hummel and he's not stupid enough to mess it up. "I assume you carry some Magnums?"

Dave chuckles a little and pulls one out of the pocket of his jeans before he lets them fall to his ankles. Kurt rubs up against him like a cat, stroking his dick with one hand and twisting the fingers of his other hand into Dave's chest hair. He undoes the buttons of Dave's vest with one hand, quick and deft, pushing the leather to the side to thumb a nipple.

"You know, you told me once that I wasn't your type," Dave comments, viciously amused at Kurt's worship of his chest.

"I was a child. I didn't know what my type was."

"It was like three years ago," Dave points out, squirming when Kurt pinches his nipple hard in retaliation.

"I was a _virgin_. After graduation, I fucked a bunch of little pretty boys. I enjoyed the pretty, but the little wasn't working for me."

"I like little and pretty," Dave tells him, stroking a finger across Kurt's lower lip.

"I like big cocks," Kurt says, pulling at Dave's harder. "Now are we going to stand here talking like a couple of girls or are you going to fill me with this?"

"Bossy bitch," Dave says, but he's not complaining. Kurt pulls his sweater off and hangs it over the stall door. He's pale and skinny and beautiful, and Dave reaches up to finger the little silver rings that hang through both of Kurt's nipples. He's got a tattoo of a bar of music on the side of his ribcage, the lines and notes black and dramatic against his white skin. Dave wants to ask what song it is, but Kurt kicks one leg out of his pants and turns around, leaning against the wall with his legs spread.

Then he slides a hand between his legs, pressing lube-slicked fingers against his hole, prepping himself, which makes Dave forget any questions he had. Hell, he forgets his name.

He stares at Kurt's ass for longer than is probably necessary, drawing out the time it takes him to roll on the condom, desperate to commit the image to memory.

"Are you going to fuck me or do I need to find someone else?" Kurt asks snottily, but Dave can see his chest heaving as he breathes, still fingering his own ass.

Dave grabs his dick and rubs it across Kurt's ass, sliding across the cheeks and then down the crack, almost like making the sign of the cross. Blasphemy in a bathroom.

"Like you'll be able to find someone else here with ten inches," Dave says mildly, rubbing more insistently down Kurt's crack to watch him squirm.

"There are a lot of big guys here," he says, still fronting like he's not gagging for it. "And ten? Hardly. I bet it's barely more than nine."

"Rude," Dave says, pushing the head of his cock hard against Kurt's hole. Kurt makes a beautiful noise and pushes back. Dave can feel him flexing his asshole and he wonders who trained him to be a good little bottom. He's jealous he didn't get the chance.

Of course, he wouldn't have known what to do with this three years ago. Now? Well, he's ready now.

Without warning, striking like a snake, he grabs Kurt's hip and presses. He knows the angle, he knows the torque, and in seconds, his cock is sinking slowly into tight heat.

"Harder! Harder!" Hummel barks, spreading his legs more and pushing his ass against Dave.

"Greedy," Dave murmurs, almost to himself, but it's not a complaint this time. It's a compliment. "You want all of this?" he asks. "Can you handle it?"

"Fuck you! Give it to me! See if I can take it!"

Dave's always had to be careful, to go easy. Having a big dick is something every guy wants, but with great power comes great responsibility. And it usually means a lot of foreplay, a lot of caution. But Kurt's reaching back, scrabbling for Dave's hip, pulling him closer until he's balls deep.

And throughout it all, Kurt keeps up a steady stream of talk, sometime insistent, sometimes supplicating, sometimes nonsensical. "Give me that cock fuck me harder put it up in me so hard I want to feel it in my fucking _throat_ hell yeah stuff me full of that monster get it up in me I want you to fuck me hard Jesus I'm not a fucking virgin fuck me like you mean it I need all of it please please do it harder faster now now now."

It's like his words don't even go into the air, instead going directly inside Dave's head and he can't hear anything else. He's fucking Kurt harder and faster than he can remember fucking _anyone_ , and Kurt's begging for more.

Dave scoops an arm across Kurt's ribs, pulling him up harder to get a better angle for both of them. Kurt moans and tries futilely to dig his nails into the painted metal of the stall. "Yeah, let me feel your chest oh fuck that feels so good you fucking hairy bastard I want you to rub all over me do it harder fuck me god yes."

It's so hot and dirty and wrong and gorgeous, and Dave can't do anything except cover more of Kurt's smaller body with his own, drilling him against the wall like an animal. He's just about to reach for Kurt's cock when his dirty talk reaches a fever pitch. "Don't stop don't stop don't you fucking stop I'm going to I'm gonna oh god..."

Dave feels Kurt's climax before his brain realizes what's happening. He's not sure he's ever made a guy come without touching his cock before. He'd take a moment to feel proud of himself, but he's inches from coming himself.

Letting go of all restraint, he nails Kurt to the wall, pounding his ass until he comes in it. He makes a noise that can really only be described as a roar, and after he pulls out, he wonders if Kurt will tease him for it.

However, Kurt looks like he's in no shape to do anything. And he's blissfully quiet, sagging against the wall that's smeared with his spunk. "Holy _shit_ ," he says, sort of reverently. "I finally found a use for you, Karofsky."

Tucking his jeans back in order, Dave is too pleased with himself – with both of them – to say something snotty back. "Me too. You're fucking _awesome_ ," he tells Kurt, afraid he's grinning like a loon.

"I know," Kurt says, making a face like Dave's just said the sky's blue. He hitches his pants up and fumbles for his sweater.

"So, what are you doing in Detroit, of all places?"

"Spring break," Kurt says, poking his hair back into place.

"You came to Detroit for spring break? That's the most retarded thing ever."

Kurt shrugs. "Levi's parents live in Bloomfield Hills. I was just tagging along. He's my roommate. What about you?"

"I go to school here. Wayne State. Speaking of that, have you ever wanted to see the inside of the Wayne State dorms? My roommate's in Cabo for the week."

Kurt looks up, surprise and pleasure scrawled across his face before he pulls himself back into a bitchface. "I'm sure they rival the great landmarks of the world."

"What they lack in architecture, they make up for in me fucking you some more."

That startles a laugh out of Kurt, seemingly against his will. "Whatever, Karofsky. I guess it's better than ending up wherever Levi crashes."

"Do you need to wait for him, or...?"

"He's a big boy. He can take care of himself," Kurt says. "But I don't want to take care of myself, if you get my drift. Oh, and next time, I'm gonna put you on the floor and ride you like a horse."

Dave coughs a little, leading Kurt out of the bathroom stall. "You're the toppiest bottom in the world, you know that right?"

Kurt rolls his eyes. "You like it, meathead."

"Fuck yeah, I do," Dave admits, opening the bathroom door for Kurt. "Let's get out of here."

They slip out the unmarked door and hurry across Trumbull Street to the parking lot. "You're okay to drive?" Kurt asks as Dave unlocks the door.

"I only had two beers. Are you okay to sit?"

Kurt lets out another startled laugh. "Please. You're fucking me again when we get to your place."

"Bossy," Dave says again, but it's really, _really_ not a complaint.

"You like it," Kurt repeats. Dave reaches across the console and grabs Kurt's hand and Kurt glances up, surprised.

"I do," Dave says, and they smile at each other in the dim car. It's going to be a long week, but Dave's looking forward to it.


End file.
